How to change your mental chatter and start feeling empowered?

Yesterday I had a new career coaching client.

Her problem was clear.

She wanted to change the way she dealt with conflicts of interest at work.

She wanted to remain calm and collected in the face of stakeholders and stakes that could jeopardize her legitimacy within the company.

In her case, the perception of a future questioning of her role made her adopt a defensive, even aggressive attitude.

However, her thoughts and emotions about this probability made her adopt an attitude that went against the image of the serene and confident leader that she wanted to show.

See, our way of thinking and our beliefs are at the heart of our conditioning and behavior.

To change our behavior in a professional or personal context, we must first take the time to step back and work on our thoughts.

This is why I often talk about meditation.

This allows us to step back from ourselves, and our thoughts, without becoming attached to them.

The practice here is that of detachment.

Our thoughts are not real and they require a precise attentional focus to be able to detect them.

How do we identify them?

Let's start an exercise together if you will.

Take a sheet of paper and a pencil.

Make 5 columns in total, and write down

- the challenging situation you are encountering,

- the thoughts that come to mind at the time of the situation,

- the feelings (on a scale of 0 to 10). 

The next task is to recreate alternative thoughts:

Take the last 2 columns, and write down:

- an alternative positive thought. (For example "I have already succeeded in the past to overcome this situation"), and repeat your sentence a few times out loud.

Take your time.

- then measure your emotional response again and write it down in the 5th column(it should have decreased).

You can also practice decentralization by asking yourself the following question:

Would I have thought the same way 10 years ago?

And acknowledge your new emotion.

By getting into the habit of finding realistic alternative thoughts, and creating a distance to look at things differently, we can adjust and change our behavior.

It's a process that is worth exploring and practicing if you want to start living your true leadership.